Hannah Montana Cherries - inappropriate

I’m just going to start this off by saying there are some perverts at Disney. Not everyone – probably. But enough of them. Remember that penis castle on the “Little Mermaid” cover art? That is not Photoshop ladies and gentlemen, it’s legit. I’ve got the same cover on the original VHS clamshell tape case for my second grade copy. Now Snopes says this is just urban legend, but the drawing is in fact legit. The urban legend is just that a disgruntled illustrator did it on purpose. Apparently it was accidental or whatever. Then there’s the whole thing with the word “sex” appearing in a cloud of dust in “The Lion King” – which seems to be legit. And the picture of a topless woman in “The Rescuers” – which even Snopes admits is true. So I’m just saying, there are some perverts at Disney. And some of them are clearly still employed there, though displaying their predilections in a much more subtle fashion.

A few months ago I wrote a story about how Disney is trying to stick their brand all over healthy food like fruits and vegetables and eggs instead of Chicken McNuggets (yums) and McDonald’s legendary flat hamburgers. My favorite are the High School Musical avocados. I bought a bag the other day, and I swear the taste of a nice creamy avocado combined with the face of Zac Efron was positvely delightful. Slap some Laughing Cow on a cracker and you’ve got one heck of a snack.

So Disney said they were planning on rolling out a bunch of other healthy items to lure in the kiddies. The Washington Post suggested a Hannah Montana banana. Genius, right? Unfortunately Disney discarded that perfectly clever – and super marketable – idea, in favor of Hannah Montana cherries. Red, ripe cherries from the 16-year-old who just did a pole dance on an ice cream cart the other day.

And I bet you didn’t know she had more than one! Seriously, Disney is the wrongest wrong of all the wrongs. Chris Hansen needs them to put down that iced tea and have a seat….

In future news, Hannah Montana’s red cherries have sold out! The entire stock was bought by a man named Mark McLeod-Cyrus [Miley’s stalker].

[From Dlisted]

It’s obviously possible this is all innocent. But my point by going over Disney’s perv history is showing there’s a chance it isn’t, too. I mean think of all the other fruits and veggies out there. Why not bite into a nice Hannah Montana kiwi? Or a nice bowl of organic blueberries? I guess there could be some inherent problems with the banana idea, but they’re all still preferable to cherries. And think how many brands Disney has to promote. How did this particular combination seem like the best way to go?

Last night I made the loveliest Donald Duck mashed cauliflower. I was a little disappointed by the finished dish – it tasted like it had no duck in it whatsoever. The only flavor I could detect was some nasty cruciferous vegetable. But clearly Disney’s plan is working, because here we are talking about it – and eating it. Now if only I had some pitted fruit to munch on.



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Britney is the Best Parent Ever

When I was little and I said a swear word, my mom would wash my mouth out with soap. And not that hoity-toity bar stuff, oh no, this was hand soap. She's squirt it in and make me gargle. To this day, every time I say "M**********r", I taste lavender. On the other hand, Britney Spears lets her kids go f**k wild with the curses. (Aw! There it is again. It's in my mouth! Gross.)

While the singer picked up goodies at a swag suite in L.A. last week, Sean Preston, 3, and Jayden James, 2, shocked guests by repeatedly yelling, "Oh sh*t!"

"We were all surprised by their potty mouths, but it was actually pretty funny," one onlooker acknowledged.

How did Britney respond to her sons' antics?

Said the source: "She was too busy picking out freebies to chastise the boys for misbehaving."

Ironically, one of the items on the swag table was a hardback copy of, How To Be The Best Parent Ever. Britney picked it up...before throwing it in the garbage so she could get to the Prada Sunglasses faster.



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Britney Spears’ sons cuss like sailors, and Brit doesn’t care

Britney Spears’ sons Sean and Jayden have potty mouths, according to Gatecrasher. Apparently, Britney brought her boys to the “swag suite” in Los Angeles last week, and her boys decided to run around shouting “Oh sh-t!” Gee, I wonder where they got it? Seriously, where? From Kevin or from Britney? It sounds more like Kevin to me. Britney’s cussing is more of a “my p-ssy is hangin’ out, y’all!” variety.

Britney Spears’ tots have definitely hit the terrible twos and threes, if their language is any indication.

While the singer picked up goodies at a swag suite in L.A. last week, Sean Preston, 3, and Jayden James, 2, shocked guests by repeatedly yelling, “Oh sh-t!”

“We were all surprised by their potty mouths, but it was actually pretty funny,” one onlooker acknowledged.

How did Britney respond to her sons’ antics?

Said the source: “She was too busy picking out freebies to chastise the boys for misbehaving.”

[From Gatecrasher]

Does anyone think this is a big deal? I find it funny. Probably because I was the same way. Both of my parents were and are world-class cussers, and I learned at a very early age how to make a sailor blush. A famous family story has me shouting “Goddamn it!” at some kind of dinner party when I was barely a year old.

In a minor Britney-related story, it seems Miley Cyrus was all over Brit at the Teen Choice Awards. Miley presented Britney with her honorary award, and Miley also talked Brit up in several interviews, telling MTV News that she was “proud” of Britney:

“She’s a good friend of the family,” Cyrus, who also performed her new single, “Party in the USA,” said. “So I’m just happy to finally be able to really show everyone that she’s back and she never went anywhere.”

In addition to both Miley and Britney finding success at a young age, Miley was quick to point out that the two, who are about 11 years apart in age, also share a common ground in terms of their upbringing. “I love how successful her music is doing right now and [I am] just proud of her,” she said. “You know, another Southern girl … I love that.”

[From MTV]

Is there anyone telling Miley that she should look at Britney as a cautionary tale as much as she is a musical/celebrity role model? I understand Miley is just trying to be nice and support Britney, but judging from the stripper pole, I’d say Miley’s little head doesn’t register that her path is looking eerily similar to Britney’s - the over sexualized teenager, the older boyfriends, the lack of formal education, all to work ungodly hours. Enough, Miley.

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Jessica Simpson Is All Shook Up

Jessica Simpson was caught in an earthquake while in Japan for her new show yesterday. I'd be lying if I said my immediate thought was anything but how the crazy shaking affected her ta-tas.

The filming of Jessica Simpson's new reality show got off to a rocky start this week.

The star -- who flew to Japan over the weekend to begin filming her new VH1 series, The Price of Beauty -- was shaken by the impact of a magnitude 6.6 earthquake.

"Thought I was hallucinating," she posted on Twitter Monday. "I have never felt anything like this in my life. Laying in bed watching CNN."

Psh, she's a liar. Everyone knows Jessica has been this shaken up before - the last time being when Tony Romo dumped her ass right before her birthday! *ZING!*



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Rest In Peace, Michael

Those waiting for the second celebration/desecration of Michael Jackson's life as he gets buried in a cemetery may be out of luck. London's The Mirror said it happened already with almost no one knowing.

The King of Pop was quietly buried at the Forest Lawn Cemetery without a even a small ceremony and not a fan in sight. And last night it emerged his family are so worried his army of followers will descend on the grave they have gone to extraordinary lengths to keep the exact location secret.

A cemetery source said: "Michael has already been laid to rest, but other than the Jackson family and the management at Forest Lawn, no one knows the exact spot."

It's believed Jacko was laid to rest without a service because his family were satisfied with a ceremony for them and friends on the morning of his huge Los Angeles memorial concert.

Michael Jackson being buried in a secret spot without the world able to gawk at him? That's so not his style. I don't think he would like that one bit. In fact, it's almost enough for him to rise out of that grave and dance his way to revenge - in red leather, of course. Joe Jackson, you have been warned.



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Britney Spears shows off her great bikini body

Britney Spears showed off her newly perfected bikini body at a video shoot yesterday. And I’ve got to say, I think she looks as good as she ever has – ever. Brit lost a ton of weight last year in preparation for her Circus world tour. As a result, everyone’s been examining every inch of her body, especially in her concert photos where she was often wearing midriff-revealing outfits – sometimes will sitting. Very few of us ladies can avoid the sitting fat. So there was a little bit of scuttle with people commenting that she’d started packing on the pounds again, but that seems to be the opposite of the truth – she’s definitely toned up even more in the last month.

Britney Spears has had to battle to regain her former glory, putting herself through punishing dance workouts and hours of rehearsals.

But yesterday, dressed in a Fifties style white bikini, huge black hat, and red platform heels, the mother of two looked better than ever as she filmed an advert for a magazine at the Ritz Carlton hotel in Los Angeles.

Britney showed off her trim physique as she strutted by the pool at the five star hotel in an outfit which took its style cues from old Hollywood glamour.

Wearing hipster style bikini pants, a huge sun hat and glasses, Britney recreated an iconic pin-up look. And the expensive jewels around her neck and wrist completed the look.

The singer whose comeback has been sealed with seven nominations at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards looked relaxed as technicians buzzed around her while she waited to start filming

I should also point out that the photos below have obviously not been retouched. It’s essentially useless to comment on a celebrity’s body in any print form, as they’ve always been Photoshopped to a near Barbie extent. But this is how Brit actually looks, and it’s damn good. The whole ensemble - from the bikini to the hat to the heels – is well put together and very flattering.

Britney’s also getting an award at the Teen Choice Awards this weekend for “extraordinary contributions to the entertainment industry.” I think that’s basically their way of ensuring she at gets some kind of award this year – she’s collected more than any other female artist over the years. I tend to think it’s like a “most improved” encouraging, stick with it kind of award. I’m sure she’s got plenty of other reasons to keep on working hard – amongst other things, she sees the payoff in the mirror.

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